Girls Night Out Vs. Mr. Mom
A few months ago I watched the new movie, "Mom's Night Out" with my husband. There were definitely some comedic moments I enjoyed, but I actually thought the main point of the story was a bit pathetic...embarrassing...disconcerting. Why? This movie was made to represent modern mothers and how things really are at home for her. The mom in the movie with younger children clearly loved her husband and children. But her life was depicted as stressful, chaotic, disorganized, and at times, a little depressing. (She curls up in a ball at one point in numb disillusionment and despair.) There's no doubt about the fact that she was completely overwhelmed and for valid reasons.
But here's the thing: no one is asking why. What is the root cause for the sad state of affairs that this modern generation of mothers is experiencing and this movie represents? Why these moms needed a night out is the main point of the movie. Nothing wrong with a break from the routine and the kids and the dishes and all. But that wasn't what was happening. For these moms, they were barely hanging on. Their home life was not abusive and I don't think they were living in the ghettos. They just had chaotic stress and mayhem. Kids are represented as little whirling cyclones with nonstop energy and needs. The mom of young ones did not know the first thing about bringing any order or peace to her home. In a nutshell, she didn't know what she was doing. And this movie was simply depicting that this is the reality for most modern mothers today. So much so, that most mothers could relate to that overwhelmed mother.
Okay let's just take a step back from "Mom's Night Out" and contrast it with another movie.
It was made in 1983 (32 years ago) called "Mr. Mom" starring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr. This movie depicts a housewife and mother of young children also. Three very young children.
The movie opens as the mother (Teri Garr) is waking up with an alarm. Love that. She promptly gets up, goes to the bathroom and pins her hair back. Next she gives her face a peppy splash of water and smiles to herself in the mirror.
Observation: This woman is happy and content. She is the confident manager of her home. AND let's take note of one of the secrets to her success—she's the first to wake up. ("She riseth also while it is yet night" Proverbs 31.)
Next, we see her wake up her husband with a kiss and softly tell him his shower is ready. Perhaps she ran the water so it would be hot when he stepped in? How cool is that? Then she pads into her sons room, stepping carefully over the mess and toys (realistic touch there), feeds their fish, and cheerfully wakes each boy up. She smiles into her baby's crib and greets him good morning. (The baby has a bottle that he was probably put to bed with which was a not a good trend of that time, but it's insignificant. We're focusing on the main point depicted - a happy, well ordered home.)
She then buzzes merrily, contentedly and confidently around her kitchen as her family eats a nutritious breakfast at the table. Her husband tells a clean joke to his boys during breakfast and then has to go to work. The wife stops what she's doing and walks him to the door, kisses him goodbye and watches him leave.
Observation: Everyone in the family eating together at the kitchen table is illustrated as a normal part of life. (Proverbs 31..."and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens"). She doesn't neglect her husband while taking care of her housework and the kids. She makes him feel loved and special.
Later, she gets herself and her kids all dolled up and greets her husband at the door as he comes home from work. She heard he'd been layed off work and wanted to cheer him up. She had a meal all set on the table (KFC) for a special dinner. (Proverbs 31 "She is like the merchants 'ships;
she bringeth her food from afar.") She diffuses her husband's annoyance and provocation to a bet to see who could get a job first.
Observation: Her gesture was offered to make sure her husband knew how much she supports and loves him. Her meals were planned in advance. She is not easily provoked. She asserts she doesn't bet, lets him know it's silly, but doesn't make a fuss about it. She keeps things in perspective, keeps her sense of humor, shows patience, and remains refined and elegant. She does not let her feathers get ruffled at her husband's playful attempt to rile her. Very classy and mature.
Next while she clears the table, she mentions to her husband that she put out the word for getting a job to help out while he's layoff. (Proverbs 31 "She considereth a field, and buyeth it:with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.")
Observation: She's not plopping on the couch after a meal. She calmly and routinely clears the table because she knows that the kitchen is her "office". She keeps it prepared for the next meal by cleaning up right after each meal. This was considered normal homemaking 101. Notice that her children are not running around creating mayhem and foolishness. Dinner is over and it is implied that they are off getting ready for bed or otherwise happily occupied.
So, per the title of the movie, now comes the fun part. Since her husband's layoff continued, she takes a job as an advertising executive to help support the family during the crisis. As she's leaving for her first day of work, she goes over "the list" with her husband, which covered everything her husband needed to know to run the household smoothly while she's away. She knows everything about her children and has somewhat of a schedule for them, their naps, the needs, etc.
The comic part of the movie is watching the husband try to do his wife's job, which is completely foreign to him—hilariously funny stuff. The chaos that ensues as he takes on the kids and the house reminded me of the chaos depicted in Mom's Night Out. Only in the latter, it was the mom wreaking the chaos. This is what raised red flags for me—they depicted household chaos as normal for today's mom. As if having a disorderly household and being overwhelmed by motherhood and homemaking was something every mom could relate to. But just barely 30 years ago, this was not the case.
Throughout the rest of the Mr. Mom movie, we are introduced to his wife's friends, also moms, who come along and cheer on the fumbling husband who was "doing it wrong". After a few months of housekeeping and homemaking, he gets into his own groove, but as a man who is not naturally geared toward to a full time domestic life, reaches a point of letting himself and the household duties go. He seeped into a bit of depression. At one point, he confessed his brain was like oatmeal and asked his wife how she did it, and her answer inspired him—it was because she took pride her in home, pride in her children, and pride in being Mrs. Jack Butler. Wow. After this wakeup call, he comes to terms with the state of things, pulls himself up by the bootstraps and dives into the challenge with renewed vigor. He starts little remodeling projects, gets the shopping, school runs, and cleaning routines down and actually learned to excel in his new role. He even learned to do a little cooking. (Disclaimer: there are some inappropriate parts to this movie, per the era. I'm not condoning those, but again, just focusing on the main point of the movie.)
Conclusion: The husband in Mr. Mom, who was thrown into a "mom" role, figures it all out fairly quickly. Contrast that to the sea of mothers today who don't seem to know the first thing about caring for their homes, children, and husbands. Rather than gratefully keeping their homes, and taking pride in and joy in it, the time spent on social media competes with housekeeping, meal planning and child training. Sadly, mothers thirty years later have lost a lot. Maybe lost isn't the right word. Maybe they've given up a lot. They are raising self-willed-bullies-in-the-making and it's all a big joke in Mom's Night Out.
Please note: I'm focusing on the mothering/homemaking issues here and nothing else so please bear that in mind. Both are movies and not real life so, obviously there are concessions made for the sake of comedy, story flow, etc. But the point is—they were both made to reflect the current state of motherhood and homemaking.
The end of Mr. Mom eludes to the wife considering working part time which reflected the feminist emerging movement of the era. The Mom's Night Out movie depicts stay-home moms attempting to return to homemaking roots of this era (a very good thing!). The reason I am contrasting them is because I feel that moms today need to retrieve something. They need to go back to the roots. They need to learn homemaking skills as they were once taught, known, and lived many years ago. Homemaking and mothering require a multitude of skills. It's an art, a science, a joy, and a challenge all rolled up into one.
I'm not disparaging the tough days moms face. We all have them. But in the old days, they were not the norm, but rather the exception. Today's wife and mother is unfamiliar with child training, and overfamiliar with TV psychobabble parenting trends like time outs and giving lengthy, bordering-on-whiny explanations to their little ones. Justifications for every little decision they make and indulging in emotional rants is not completely off limits. They are unfamiliar with running their household with confidence and with a firm but loving hand.
What can be done? Perhaps proficient successful mothers should give seminars for Godly parenting and homemaking? I know there are some very good homemakers out there reading this and you may not be "perfect" but you've got a handle on things. Your home is loving, orderly, peaceful, vibrant, and somewhat (or very) organized. You have a plan and you are managing your home. I think those who are running smooth and happy homes should consider sharing that knowledge with a generation of mothers who are desperate in the local community.
Chime in! What do you think? Do you think that today's SAHM have more in common with the mother or the father in "Mr. Mom"? What do you think of the idea of giving classes on mothering, home management and housekeeping?
But here's the thing: no one is asking why. What is the root cause for the sad state of affairs that this modern generation of mothers is experiencing and this movie represents? Why these moms needed a night out is the main point of the movie. Nothing wrong with a break from the routine and the kids and the dishes and all. But that wasn't what was happening. For these moms, they were barely hanging on. Their home life was not abusive and I don't think they were living in the ghettos. They just had chaotic stress and mayhem. Kids are represented as little whirling cyclones with nonstop energy and needs. The mom of young ones did not know the first thing about bringing any order or peace to her home. In a nutshell, she didn't know what she was doing. And this movie was simply depicting that this is the reality for most modern mothers today. So much so, that most mothers could relate to that overwhelmed mother.
Okay let's just take a step back from "Mom's Night Out" and contrast it with another movie.
It was made in 1983 (32 years ago) called "Mr. Mom" starring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr. This movie depicts a housewife and mother of young children also. Three very young children.
The movie opens as the mother (Teri Garr) is waking up with an alarm. Love that. She promptly gets up, goes to the bathroom and pins her hair back. Next she gives her face a peppy splash of water and smiles to herself in the mirror.
Observation: This woman is happy and content. She is the confident manager of her home. AND let's take note of one of the secrets to her success—she's the first to wake up. ("She riseth also while it is yet night" Proverbs 31.)
Next, we see her wake up her husband with a kiss and softly tell him his shower is ready. Perhaps she ran the water so it would be hot when he stepped in? How cool is that? Then she pads into her sons room, stepping carefully over the mess and toys (realistic touch there), feeds their fish, and cheerfully wakes each boy up. She smiles into her baby's crib and greets him good morning. (The baby has a bottle that he was probably put to bed with which was a not a good trend of that time, but it's insignificant. We're focusing on the main point depicted - a happy, well ordered home.)
She then buzzes merrily, contentedly and confidently around her kitchen as her family eats a nutritious breakfast at the table. Her husband tells a clean joke to his boys during breakfast and then has to go to work. The wife stops what she's doing and walks him to the door, kisses him goodbye and watches him leave.
Observation: Everyone in the family eating together at the kitchen table is illustrated as a normal part of life. (Proverbs 31..."and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens"). She doesn't neglect her husband while taking care of her housework and the kids. She makes him feel loved and special.
Later, she gets herself and her kids all dolled up and greets her husband at the door as he comes home from work. She heard he'd been layed off work and wanted to cheer him up. She had a meal all set on the table (KFC) for a special dinner. (Proverbs 31 "She is like the merchants 'ships;
she bringeth her food from afar.") She diffuses her husband's annoyance and provocation to a bet to see who could get a job first.
Observation: Her gesture was offered to make sure her husband knew how much she supports and loves him. Her meals were planned in advance. She is not easily provoked. She asserts she doesn't bet, lets him know it's silly, but doesn't make a fuss about it. She keeps things in perspective, keeps her sense of humor, shows patience, and remains refined and elegant. She does not let her feathers get ruffled at her husband's playful attempt to rile her. Very classy and mature.
Next while she clears the table, she mentions to her husband that she put out the word for getting a job to help out while he's layoff. (Proverbs 31 "She considereth a field, and buyeth it:with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.")
Observation: She's not plopping on the couch after a meal. She calmly and routinely clears the table because she knows that the kitchen is her "office". She keeps it prepared for the next meal by cleaning up right after each meal. This was considered normal homemaking 101. Notice that her children are not running around creating mayhem and foolishness. Dinner is over and it is implied that they are off getting ready for bed or otherwise happily occupied.
So, per the title of the movie, now comes the fun part. Since her husband's layoff continued, she takes a job as an advertising executive to help support the family during the crisis. As she's leaving for her first day of work, she goes over "the list" with her husband, which covered everything her husband needed to know to run the household smoothly while she's away. She knows everything about her children and has somewhat of a schedule for them, their naps, the needs, etc.
The comic part of the movie is watching the husband try to do his wife's job, which is completely foreign to him—hilariously funny stuff. The chaos that ensues as he takes on the kids and the house reminded me of the chaos depicted in Mom's Night Out. Only in the latter, it was the mom wreaking the chaos. This is what raised red flags for me—they depicted household chaos as normal for today's mom. As if having a disorderly household and being overwhelmed by motherhood and homemaking was something every mom could relate to. But just barely 30 years ago, this was not the case.
Throughout the rest of the Mr. Mom movie, we are introduced to his wife's friends, also moms, who come along and cheer on the fumbling husband who was "doing it wrong". After a few months of housekeeping and homemaking, he gets into his own groove, but as a man who is not naturally geared toward to a full time domestic life, reaches a point of letting himself and the household duties go. He seeped into a bit of depression. At one point, he confessed his brain was like oatmeal and asked his wife how she did it, and her answer inspired him—it was because she took pride her in home, pride in her children, and pride in being Mrs. Jack Butler. Wow. After this wakeup call, he comes to terms with the state of things, pulls himself up by the bootstraps and dives into the challenge with renewed vigor. He starts little remodeling projects, gets the shopping, school runs, and cleaning routines down and actually learned to excel in his new role. He even learned to do a little cooking. (Disclaimer: there are some inappropriate parts to this movie, per the era. I'm not condoning those, but again, just focusing on the main point of the movie.)
Conclusion: The husband in Mr. Mom, who was thrown into a "mom" role, figures it all out fairly quickly. Contrast that to the sea of mothers today who don't seem to know the first thing about caring for their homes, children, and husbands. Rather than gratefully keeping their homes, and taking pride in and joy in it, the time spent on social media competes with housekeeping, meal planning and child training. Sadly, mothers thirty years later have lost a lot. Maybe lost isn't the right word. Maybe they've given up a lot. They are raising self-willed-bullies-in-the-making and it's all a big joke in Mom's Night Out.
Please note: I'm focusing on the mothering/homemaking issues here and nothing else so please bear that in mind. Both are movies and not real life so, obviously there are concessions made for the sake of comedy, story flow, etc. But the point is—they were both made to reflect the current state of motherhood and homemaking.
The end of Mr. Mom eludes to the wife considering working part time which reflected the feminist emerging movement of the era. The Mom's Night Out movie depicts stay-home moms attempting to return to homemaking roots of this era (a very good thing!). The reason I am contrasting them is because I feel that moms today need to retrieve something. They need to go back to the roots. They need to learn homemaking skills as they were once taught, known, and lived many years ago. Homemaking and mothering require a multitude of skills. It's an art, a science, a joy, and a challenge all rolled up into one.
I'm not disparaging the tough days moms face. We all have them. But in the old days, they were not the norm, but rather the exception. Today's wife and mother is unfamiliar with child training, and overfamiliar with TV psychobabble parenting trends like time outs and giving lengthy, bordering-on-whiny explanations to their little ones. Justifications for every little decision they make and indulging in emotional rants is not completely off limits. They are unfamiliar with running their household with confidence and with a firm but loving hand.
What can be done? Perhaps proficient successful mothers should give seminars for Godly parenting and homemaking? I know there are some very good homemakers out there reading this and you may not be "perfect" but you've got a handle on things. Your home is loving, orderly, peaceful, vibrant, and somewhat (or very) organized. You have a plan and you are managing your home. I think those who are running smooth and happy homes should consider sharing that knowledge with a generation of mothers who are desperate in the local community.
Chime in! What do you think? Do you think that today's SAHM have more in common with the mother or the father in "Mr. Mom"? What do you think of the idea of giving classes on mothering, home management and housekeeping?
Comments
Do you have house rules that they know and obey? Do they have daily chores? Do you structure your day so they know what to expect? Have you read No Greater Joy Volumes i, II and III? They are excellent and very inexpensive books that taught me a lot.
I will write a post about this to offer more ideas. :)
This is a great post! I have not watched either movie, just as the other commenters but I appreciate your informative descriptions. I chose not to watch Mom's Night Out after hearing a review that insinuates one of the mothers is infatuated with a motorcycle bad-boy and that the movie does not do ANYTHING to shame this sinful bahviour against her husband. Is this true? Did you notice that?
Anyway, on to your post: I have read here for a long time and I have learned so much from your blog. It is obvious that you are a peaceful lady with a peaceful home. I greatly admire you.
I keep a schedule for myself and our kids during the weekday. This is thanks to advice from you and other esteemed bloggers. It is chaulk full of daily chores, weekly chores, down time etc. Also, meal prep and kid's activities. I do not use this schedule rigidly but I love having it. It helps me remarkably to have a schedule. My boys are still young, 3, 2 and 8 months so we do Bible study and reading, music, counting, but no homeschooling yet.
I desire to homeschool my children but as of right now, my husband chooses that they will be in public school starting at kindergarten.
I have stressed out days and my boys {all boys} get crazy sometimes, but they know their boundaries and they get rewarded with a spanking each and every time they deliberately disobey.
I am very lenient on their activities, however. They're aloud to run, play in cupboards, ride little bikes around etc. but they have a clear understanding of right and wrong concerning their behaviour.
I have read Train up a child and it has helped significantly. God bless you, Crystal
Note: I have tried commenting here and you don't seem to publish them, what am I doing wrong? I stay on topic and don't stray away from the narrative, I am respectful and give you due credit. I have been reading this blog for almost three years and you used to approve my occasional comments, then you stopped. Please erase this portion of my comment.
About the movie question: no, I don't remember a mom's infatuation with motorcycle bad boys...maybe that part went over my head. That's happened before :)
Crystal, you sound like you're doing very well! Flexibility in schedules are a must! So long as your kids are *allowed* to ride their little bikes, play in cupboards, etc in the house, and it doesn't wreak havoc, then that is fine. They are within the limits you've set and that's important for them to know.
You said two things that were HUGELY important and I just have to comment on them.
1) "we do Bible study and reading, music, counting, but no homeschooling yet".
My dear, you are already homeschooling!
2) "I desire to homeschool my children but as of right now, my husband chooses that they will be in public school starting at kindergarten."
Has your husband watched InDoctrination yet?? You must, MUST sit down and watch this movie with him. It is a game changer. It just might change his mind about public school. And if you could then continue to homeschool your precious children, it will make ALL the difference in their lives.
God bless!!
And I'm so glad you're going to read the No Greater Joy Volumes. You will love them! But I recommend reading To Train Up a Child first. :)
Blessings to you!
Jessica