Respect - Square One for a Man
If someone were to ask your husband if his wife respects him, how do you think he'd answer? If you're not utterly sure that his answer would be "absolutely", then you've got your work cut out for you.
God created women to need love and He created men to need respect. He doesn't authorize us as wives to nag, instruct, advise or correct our husbands. You're not your man's mother, mentor or Holy Spirit. You are his wife. And if you're a woman professing godliness and you aren't consistently, daily treating your husband with the respect he needs (regardless of whether he deserves it) it's sin. Actually, it's blasphemy.
Did you notice that 7 out of the 8 actions are actually state of being verbs? We have to BE those things, not merely do them. Be them. To further highlight that concept, consider the opposing verbs:
1. BE SOBER
OPPOSITE: frivolous, scatterbrained, foolish
2. TO LOVE
OPPOSITE: hate, egocentric, self-absorbed
3. BE DISCREET
OPPOSITE: indiscreet, talkative, tactless
4. BE CHASTE
OPPOSITE: disgraceful, shameful, scandalous
5. BE KEEPERS AT HOME
OPPOSITE: not keeping home neat, clean, stocked; work outside home
6. BE GOOD
OPPOSITE: bad
6. BE OBEDIENT
OPPOSITE: disobedient
Being obedient is different that just obeying. The former is a state of mind/heart/will. The latter is but an occurrence.
It's a continuous battle for a man to prove himself outside the home. So when he comes home, he needs a haven of love, peace, calm, respect and support. It is the ONE place he has in this whole big, wide world where he can let go and relax. What a privilege we have to make our homes that haven for our husbands. We need to refrain from complaining. Be thankful for his presence and look for ways to endear him to us.
Consistency is key to so many things. Practice being consistent in what God calls you to do: to love our husband and children, and to BE sober, discreet, chaste, keepers of home, good and obedient Every day. Every hour. Rather than trying to "do" them when you feel like it, practice being these quality.
Similarly, doctors, firefighters and police, even when they are off duty, feel the weight of their profession everywhere they go. Unlike a janitor, it is a high calling, not just a job. And very much "who they are". Being a wife is not just a job, it's who you are. Forever one with the man you wed, the attributes listed in Titus 2 are your higher calling. They are not just duties, they are who you are.
Being your husband's help meet means that you are perfectly suited to meet his needs. When you respect him, you're meeting need #1. When you make love to him, you're meeting need #2. When you adore and care for his/your children and "keep" your home, you're meeting #3.
When we help meet our husband's basic needs, like a watered plant in a sunny window, he will grow and treat us and our children more lovingly. But even if he doesn't, our responsibility before God is unchanged. And God gives us grace to do whatever he asks.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and it's a great opportunity to show your husband that he is prized, cherished, treasured, highly loved and respected.
God created women to need love and He created men to need respect. He doesn't authorize us as wives to nag, instruct, advise or correct our husbands. You're not your man's mother, mentor or Holy Spirit. You are his wife. And if you're a woman professing godliness and you aren't consistently, daily treating your husband with the respect he needs (regardless of whether he deserves it) it's sin. Actually, it's blasphemy.
Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Did you notice that 7 out of the 8 actions are actually state of being verbs? We have to BE those things, not merely do them. Be them. To further highlight that concept, consider the opposing verbs:
1. BE SOBER
OPPOSITE: frivolous, scatterbrained, foolish
2. TO LOVE
OPPOSITE: hate, egocentric, self-absorbed
3. BE DISCREET
OPPOSITE: indiscreet, talkative, tactless
4. BE CHASTE
OPPOSITE: disgraceful, shameful, scandalous
5. BE KEEPERS AT HOME
OPPOSITE: not keeping home neat, clean, stocked; work outside home
6. BE GOOD
OPPOSITE: bad
6. BE OBEDIENT
OPPOSITE: disobedient
Being obedient is different that just obeying. The former is a state of mind/heart/will. The latter is but an occurrence.
It's a continuous battle for a man to prove himself outside the home. So when he comes home, he needs a haven of love, peace, calm, respect and support. It is the ONE place he has in this whole big, wide world where he can let go and relax. What a privilege we have to make our homes that haven for our husbands. We need to refrain from complaining. Be thankful for his presence and look for ways to endear him to us.
Consistency is key to so many things. Practice being consistent in what God calls you to do: to love our husband and children, and to BE sober, discreet, chaste, keepers of home, good and obedient Every day. Every hour. Rather than trying to "do" them when you feel like it, practice being these quality.
Similarly, doctors, firefighters and police, even when they are off duty, feel the weight of their profession everywhere they go. Unlike a janitor, it is a high calling, not just a job. And very much "who they are". Being a wife is not just a job, it's who you are. Forever one with the man you wed, the attributes listed in Titus 2 are your higher calling. They are not just duties, they are who you are.
Being your husband's help meet means that you are perfectly suited to meet his needs. When you respect him, you're meeting need #1. When you make love to him, you're meeting need #2. When you adore and care for his/your children and "keep" your home, you're meeting #3.
When we help meet our husband's basic needs, like a watered plant in a sunny window, he will grow and treat us and our children more lovingly. But even if he doesn't, our responsibility before God is unchanged. And God gives us grace to do whatever he asks.
Tomorrow is Father's Day and it's a great opportunity to show your husband that he is prized, cherished, treasured, highly loved and respected.
Comments
In this post, I am referring more to incidental shortcomings like being childish or short tempered, bad tidiness habits, spending habits, leaving the commode seat up, not spending enough time in the Bible, not leading as he should, not taking you to church, etc. Some faults are just bad habits that were likely learned in their formative years. Some are just yielding to self-centeredness. A wise wife will learn to strategize and approach her husband with the right heart, attitude and words and especially in the right time and place. For example, don't bring up his faults on his way out the door to work, in front of the children, on the way to church or a social gathering, etc. Remember, you married this man. No one forced you. You took him lock, stock and barrel. Marriage is a commitment to love, honor and cherish till death do we part, not till marriage becomes too hard.
Regarding Zipporah, you've have it backwards: she actually chastised Moses because he wanted to obey what God told him to do. God almost killed him because he hearkened to his wife and hadn't circumsised their son as God commanded. When she finally saw the life or death consequence this would have on her husband, she quickly completed the job and then threw the foreskin at Moses and called him "a bloody husband".
Abigail, on the other hand, stood in the place of her husband to protect him from David's wrath, even though he was a horrible, drunken man. There is no record of her counseling her husband. But in her defense of him, she proved her own good character and found great favor in David's eyes. When her husband died, David eagerly married her. Abigail was honored and revered in scripture because she did the right thing regardless of whether her husband deserved it or not. She was honoring God above all else. Zipporah, on the other hand, was not revered or even much mentioned in scripture. It also appears that Moses and she were separated during much of the time he led the Hebrews out of Egypt.
So, I would encourage you to seek to have your husband's heart above all things. Be his best friend, show him grace undeserved. Pray for him and seek to be a Titus 2 wife. Pray that he will not be comfortable in any form of intentional sin. It's perfectly fine to discuss problems with him, share your heart and ask him to cooperate in areas you feel are important. But don't bombard him with all his shortcomings often. Over time, he will grow and learn and be grateful you overlooked little faults (as he may have done for you) while he grows and matures. A lot of stuff in marriage just has to do with a man's maturity level. You are heirs together in the grace of life. So decide what is the big stuff and what can be endured patiently while you pray and wait for him to grow in those areas. Marriage is a process and it's not always a smooth ride.
I hope this helps! Blessings to you!