When Your Home is Chaotic

As my kids were growing up, I had to set limits so that our home would not be chaotic. After all, mom lives here too! :-) My goal was for my home to be happy, peaceful, ordered and normal. Not museum-like. Just flowing and somewhat organized. But a home is only as peaceful and orderly as its inhabitants. That means a self-disciplined wife/mother who is willing to train her children. 

Here are some keys I've found helpful in maximizing happiness, peace and order in my home: 

Regulate your sleep. 
If you don't get enough sleep, you're setting yourself up for failure and trouble. If you've got infants, it is a trying time because you're losing sleep in the middle of the night.  Work out a plan so that you get at least 8 hours of sleep per 24 hours. Whether that means taking a nap during the day with the kids or getting to bed earlier each night. Try not to rely too much on stimulants for energy. 

Plan your meals.
Pick out 7 breakfasts, snacks, lunches & dinners that are quick to prepare, economical and reasonably healthy. Try to use your crockpot at least once or twice each week.  A real time saving crockpot recipe that I love and use often only uses 2 ingredients: frozen chicken breasts and salsa (I use the fresh salsa from Costco). Put the chicken in the crockpot (3-6 breasts), pour about 2 cups (eyeball it) of salsa over all and cook on high 4 hours or low 6-8. You end up with delicious, moist, seasoned chicken. I shred it (quickest in my kitchen aid mixer) and serve over rice or in a tortilla with some shredded cheese and sour cream. This meal is ridiculously easy and surprisingly yummy! If I have any leftovers, I turn it into tortilla soup. Just add chicken in a pot with a can of diced tomatoes (or salsa), a can of refried beans, a can of black beans, chicken broth, some cumin and chile powder and water. Simmer about 20 minutes and add crushed tortilla chips to the bottom of your soup bowls and ladle in your soup. Top with cilantro, shredded cheese, black olives, etc.

Train your children.
Children need to know the rules. And what are rules if they're not enforced. Kids who decide when to obey are rebellious and that's the biggest cause of chaos in a household.  Read To Train Up a Child and No Greater Joy Volume I, II and Í Check yourself. If you are undisciplined, you can't expect your kids to be. Start adding some discipline to your own daily routines. Set the bar low enough that you and everyone in your home can be a winner at the end of the day. Your house doesn't have to be perfect. Start slowly and set some goals. Work on one thing at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. Don't think of how much better your life could be. Think of how much worse your life could be. When you are thankful, or unthankful, it shows. And it's contagious. If your kids and obey you. Speak in a normal tone of voice and try very hard to never yell. Why get upset? Who's the boss? You. You are the queen of your household. Children have a strong need to know that you're in control. 


The arm of discipline can never outreach the arm of love. Love on those kids and make sure they know and feel loved. Then if they're out of control in any area, slowly begin bringing them into line.

Motherhood is an elaborate but beautiful dance of a woman who runs everything while simultaneously making her children feel indispensable to her kingdom. This makes them feel happy and secure. As they grow, keep increasing their responsibilities and keep raising the bar in tiny increments. But never neglect to keep encouraging them along the way. 

Go outside.
I know it's a challenge to get everyone dressed and out the door, but whenever possible, try to go outside at least once a day even if it's cold, snowy. The activity of getting snow boots, coats, hats, scarves and mittens on is a great replacement for what is often meaningless playtime or tv time. It's exciting for kids to venture out into the elements. And it's so vital to get healthy fresh air and sunshine, play in the snow, and run around. They will expel much of their burgeoning energy which will mean good naps and peaceful play indoors. I used to work at a preschool with ten 3 year olds in my class that I had to take outside to the playground everyday.  We went out even in the cold weather and stayed inside only when it was raining or stormy. I had to help each one on with their coats, shoes, mittens, gloves and hats to go out and then again help them off with their things when we came in. Twice a day! So it is possible!

If you have a child under 2, have a playpen set up in your living area at all times, and use it!
If you have babies, a playpen is an absolute necessity. I used mine anytime I couldn't be in the same room or right there with my baby. It's extremely useful for when mom has to use the bathroom, answer the door, be on the phone, tend to cooking or any time you need to leave the child or the room. If they aren't used to being in a playpen, you need to slowly work up to it. Use it when you're in the room and don't go anywhere yet. Play with them while they're in it. Make it fun. Don't take them out when they cry or you'll be training them that crying is the way to get out! Instead, only take them out after they are playing happily for a bit. Once you've established this as a normal part of life, then you can use it anytime. But I guess I must stress, only use it when you really have to. 

A Sample Schedule 
(These time frames are approximate according to number of kids, ages, etc)

Morning

  • 6-8am WAKE Wake up, wash your face, brush your hair and get dressed. (Shower at night.) Put on some earrings, mascara and lipstick/gloss. You'll feel and look pulled together. All this only takes 5 minutes or less! If you hear your baby crying, remember they will survive the 5 minutes until you get there. When mine were babies, they just made happy morning noises while they waited in their crib.  Mom's attitude is everything. If you remain calm, smiling and unflappable, the children will follow suit. Then wake the children and bring them into the kitchen with you to help get breakfast underway, feed pets, unload the dishwasher, etc. Tell them it's a beautiful day no matter what the weather, your mood, or anything else. Every day is a gift. I mean, think about the alternative? Be grateful for your life. 
  • 7-9am EAT Breakfast and quick kitchen clean up. Involve your children's help with all the kitchen clean up after meals. NEVER send them off to play when you are working. They are your helpers! Give them meaningful work. They can wipe the table, brush up the crumbs, put dishes away (I always kept plates and cups in lower cupboards when mine were small so they could put them away easily.)
  • 9am WORK Don't let them stay in their pajamas all morning. Get them dressed for the day! Teaching kids to get dressed by themselves, fold and put away clothes, tidy their rooms, brush their teeth and comb their hair — hear me now — these things ARE THEIR MORNING PLAY TIME.  This is the activity.  If it takes an hour, so be it. They are learning FAR, FAR more than they will ever learn from playing with brightly colored plastic or watching Sesame Street. Make this *the* activity of the morning. As the older ones grow more proficient and finish before you're done with the youngers, give them tasks to do while you're finishing up. Empty the dryer, put things away, dust the baseboards, sweep a floor, clean a mirror, wipe a bathroom counter. They are learning that morning time is work time. Where is Daddy? Daddy's WORKING right now, and so are we! It's fun, it's productive and it's training little ones in life. If you homeschool, do some homeschooling projects after the morning work.
  • 10:30-11am GO OUTSIDE if possible. After tummies are fed, dishes washed, clothes put on, teeth brushed, beds made, rooms tidied, and homeschooling done, it's fun time! Time to get on coats (if it's cold) and shoes and go outside to play or take a walk. If you live in an urban neighborhood, walk to a nearby tot lot, playground or field and let them romp and run free. Bring a ball, a kite, a magnifying glass (to observe tiny critters you may find), whirly gigs (and your handy dandy mom's first aid kit) and get out there with your kids and have some fun. 
  • 12-1pm EAT Come home, take off coats & put them all away. Time to line up at the sink and take turns washing hands. I would always encourage my kids with a compliment when they stood patiently waiting for their turn for anything. They are learning such good manners! After everyone's washed up and it's time to either sit nicely at the table, or help fix lunch. I did both when mine were little. Sometimes they helped with lunch, sometimes they didn't. But either way it's not time to run wild. Give them options for what to do: help with lunch prep, color at the table, read a book quietly, string wooden beads, etc. Lunch was always simple, like a sandwich, a veggie, fruit and milk, or leftover soup and bread, etc. 
Afternoon

  • 1-3pm NAP Every day after lunch, it's quiet time. Littles need to lay down for a nap. Train them how to stay in bed until you get them up. Try not to let them sleep more than one and a half to two hours no matter how tempting it is. I know the sheer elation of having a quiet house when you've got little ones and you just want to let it go on and on and on. :) You can do so much when they are not underfoot! I get it! But getting them up after 90 min or so will ensure they sleep when it is bedtime, which is even more important. So wake them up after that nap. You'll be glad you did!
  • 3-4pm STRUCTURED PLAY, TEACHING & READING After nap, offer them a little snack (a graham cracker with a smear of peanut or almond butter, fruit or veggie sticks with ranch dip, pita bits with hummus, etc). With tummies happy, gather them together for some reading. Read with flare and interest in your voice and let them ask questions about the story. Then some structured playtime. For kids under 6 try to give them 2 or 3 options. "Ok kids, would you rather play with your toys or make a sofa fort?" Have a timer set and let this time last for about 1 hour. If you homeschool, you can focus on your older children during this time, too. While the younger kids are playing and older kids are working on some homeschool lessons, you can squeak in a little laundry and housecleaning. Keep a container of Clorox cleaning wipes in every bathroom and use them to quick & easy cleaning. Then sit and do something just for you - reading, writing, drawing, handiwork, music, social media, etc. After the kids playtime is up, clean up any messes, change any diapers and get ready to go outside again.
  • 4-5pm GO OUTSIDE if possible. You might think you've already done this and therefore don't need to do it again. But it is so needful. Kids need the energy release, the fresh air and the unhindered play space to run wild. If there isn't something interesting to do outside, then fix that so they have fun stuff to do  Provide them with hoola hoops, blowing bubbles, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, bird feeders to fill, binoculars to look through, a sand box and buckets to play with, etc. If you have a back yard big enough, get a big toy with slides and swings. Maybe a little table with benches for those interested in doing something at the table (giving mom a place to sit also). Try to keep them out for the full hour if you possibly can.  If you're confident they will play safely in your backyard, you can put the baby in the playpen (or down for a short afternoon nap) and work on getting dinner plans going.
  • 5-6 HOUSEWORK  Houses don't clean themselves. Make a simple list of work that needs to be done each day and do it now. Give each child some work to do, tailored for their ages.  They can also follow you in your work as you show them how to do it. But either way, have the kids WORKING when you are working. They may not last as long as you and that's okay. A 2 year old can give you 5 -10 minutes of work. A 3 year old can give 10-15 minutes. And so on as they get older. Encourage them if they do well. Never give insincere praise, though. Tell them what they can do when their job is finished. Expect (and enforce) their obedience in all matters. This cannot be stressed enough. For a non-chaotic home, the kids must be caused to obey. Don't forget to smile at them! Always check your face. Be a happy mom that your children like to be around. :)
Evening
  • 6-7 EAT Start dinner it's not already going in the crockpot. Let the kids help with setting the table or any other work there is to do. Teach them to greet daddy when he comes home with a reasonable amount of fanfare and excitement. Teach them to appreciate all he does while he's away by talking about him and his big muscles and hard work throughout the day. Appreciation is contagious, too.
  • 7-8 BEDTIME ROUTINE  Get baths and jammies going. Have a plan of action and announce how it will go. Have the kids go potty before getting into the tub. Always stay in the bathroom when the kids are in the tub. NEVER EVER LEAVE THEM. So that means if you have an infant, they're safely tucked away in a playpen, crib or bouncy seat near you. You have a phone nearby so you don't have to leave the room to answer it. If not, just let it ring. The phone is for YOUR convenience, not the caller's!! Can't stress that enough. Have some bubbles and a few bath boats and toys. Have safe bathtub rules and cause them to be obeyed.  (No BIG splashing, slower movements when moving around in the tub, no standing up, no getting out until mama says so.) Announce when it's time to shampoo and wash up. No whining, no sass allowed. Smile and be happy. You've got a family to take care of and you're doing a GREAT job!
  • 8pm PUT THE KIDS TO BED  My kids always had an 8pm bedtime until they were so that I would have enough time to be a wife sans kids to my husband. We would brush teeth, get jammies on, read them a story, sing a lullabye say a bedtime prayer and tuck them in. No getting up! 
  • 8-10pm HUSBAND & WIFE TIME  It's important when you've got little ones to carve out some time in the day just for yourself (a hot epsom salt bath will do you wonders) and with your husband. This is your free time so use it however you wish. 
Managing Errands
For your weekly tasks, such as shopping, you have some options. Choose whichever one suits you best. Some mothers grocery shop at night when stores are less occupied and kids are in bed. Some moms train their kids how to behave when they are out and enlist their help during shopping. 

Activities Outside the Home
I'm not a big proponent for activities and classes outside the home for younger kids. I feel like a mother and her children do best at home most of the time in order to establish strong family routines, building a strong foundation of love, respect, obedience and attitudes,  as well as meeting the children's basic needs, which are many when they are young.  Occasional, non-recurring activities and get-togethers are a normal part of life, but when you have recurring clubs, or classes etc, it is going to tax most new mothers beyond their capabilities and can set her up for overwhelm at home. 

Adjusting As They Grow Up
As children grow older, they are naturally moving further and further into autonomy and away from home. It's a gradual process, so when they are 12 or so, it's nice to have a couple of activities they can look forward to each month. In my opinion and experience, this is the stage when social engagements become most beneficial. A good foundation in home life until then will establish many things such as appropriate behavior, self-discipline, thankfulness, good attitudes, etc.

And of course all of your housekeeping, meal, nap and bedtime routines will adapt and change to life with older kids as well. It helps to be flexible but strive to keep order in the household  Mom is usually the rock everyone leans on to keep things running smoothly. It's an honor so straighten your crown and rule with a rose between your teeth. :-) At our house we kept bedtimes around 9pm even through the teen years. Teens actually need a LOT of sleep because they are growing and transforming from kid to adult. All those teen hormones, you know! They need at least 8-10 hours of sleep every night. 

I hope these ideas will help you smooth out the bumps in your housekeeping and homemaking. It's a daily process and much of it is routine, so make sure you don't "lose" yourself in it all. Make sure your interests do not suffocate underneath the mound of children, cleaning, cooking and wife-ing! Keep your sense of humor and motivate your children with your OWN zest for living. Be fascinated with the world around you. Keep learning new things and share them with your kids. 

It all goes by fast! People used to tell me that and I'd wonder why they said that. At times it felt so very S L O W to me! After all, time moves at the same pace whether you're just beginning your parenting/homemaking journey or you're near the end of it. But I guess when you're near the end of a journey looking back, it just SEEMS like it went by so fast. Theory of relativity, doncha know!

You can do it. Make your home a place of creativity, peace, joy, order and love and you will find that you have a life that is sweet indeed to look back on one day. Get rid of clutter, too many toys. Set limits. Write out a master plan for how you would like to design your best life and home and pray that God would help you do it. 

May God bless you in your journey!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thank you! I really enjoyed this. I have a 6 yr old, a 2 yr old and a newborn. I feel like life is really chaotic right now and it's nice to have a fresh perspective.
Thanks for taking the time to share, April. You've got your hands full of blessings! I hope you're inspired to find ways to reduce the chaos. You can do it! :-)
Courtney said…
Thanks for this post! These are great ideas!
DeNiece Barnes said…
I love these ideas. I have a schedule that we follow as well. My husband and I have changed this schedule many times over the years as the kids were and are getting older. Such a wonderful post really enjoyed reading it.

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